20 Reasons Why I Want to Throat Punch My Kids

1.No listening skills

2.No communication skills, period. 

3.Display Ignorance.

This is most obvious when they do the opposite of what I ask them to do

4.Irresponsible behavior

Have a poop party in the washroom with the walls to show for it

5.Aversion to bed time

They will do anything to postpone hitting the bed. I mean, ANYTHING. Example,  their favorite toy goes missing (so convenient) at the precise moment and I have to send out a search party. No sir! They cannot go to bed without it!

6.Eating disorder

Unable to feed themselves but they act self sufficient anyway and feed the dining table and the surrounding area with all the food on their plate.

7.Throwing random curse words in the air

I will say no more on this except ‘what goes around comes around’. At this point, I am ready to shoot myself.

8.Acting like goons at the grocery store

A nightmare when I spend more time picking up the stuff they sweep off of the shelves than doing actual goddamn shopping!

9.No sense of time and place

More so when they whine together, “Are we there yet?” from the back seat every five minutes on a 6 hours road trip. But I haven’t lost it yet, you guys! This Mamma is hardcore.

10.On that note, Sibling rivalry is at its peak when we are on the road.

“Mommy, she is looking at me”.

“Mommy he is sitting on my teddy”.

“I hate my brother.”

“I hate my sister.She is mean”.

“I will punch you if you look out of MY WINDOW” (insert screaming).. the list goes on..

11.Always sneaking their little hands into the cookie jar-literally.

There is no safety for our cookie stash at home. They will find it. Same applies to candies . Think, Halloween loot. Usually its all gone in a month after trick or treat regardless how careful I am in hiding them. Gee, what is this world coming to?

12.For going deadly quiet on me every so often.

Don’t get me wrong folks. Mamma likes quiet time but if it is at the expense of all my toilet paper spread out on the family room floor with more wrapped around my kids and they are buck naked? And all of this in a 10 minute time span?   No thanks!  When I questioned them about what they did later on, they said it was a toilet paper party. Yup, my kids going quiet doesn’t usually end well for me.

13.They are blunt.

” Mommy, I think you are getting old. Is that grey hair? Oh no! When are you going to die??”

“You have a big tummy. Is it another baby?”

“You should really wash your hair. It stinks”- (makes disgusting face)

Seriously??

14.They can’t be trusted

“Daddy, I saw Mommy taking  chocolates from your drawer. You should get it back from her. It is yours”. (None of their business. Why must they poke their cute noses into our stuff anyway?)

“You know, you shouldn’t really lie about going to church when you didn’t . I am going to tell on you to Grandma or give me candy NOW!” (Extortion too??!!)

I am trying hard not to lose it here…

[bctt tweet=”Each time my kids open their mouth, I want to punch them in the throat. #parentingtales”]

15.This one is for you, son

“HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TOLD YOU NOT TO HUG ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS MOMMY???”(Whiny tone all the way) “I am not a baby, you know? Stop doing that!” (Yes sir! Would you rather have a throat punch instead?)

16.When Mommy gets no privacy in the washroom.

Enough said.

17.The 11th time I am asked THE SAME QUESTION in the last 10 minutes

I am so ready with a boatload of  throat punches.

Think, “Can I eat those cookies Mommy?” The answer is a big NO specially when those tiny tummies already made room for two bowls of ice creams, popcorn, some candies (courtesy of Grandparents) and God knows what else. No more junk food under  my watch. I don’t even know if they will end up eating me just to have those cookies. But I will take the chance here.

18.Marker Vs. Permanent Marker

Oh! How can I forget that time, when you figured out the difference between a marker and permanent marker in the MOST expressive way??! I was so ready for a shit party of throat punches that day…

19. Legophobic

Please don’t mind the lego minefield in our home. You might step on it and cry for your dear life in pain, it is just normal. suck it up.  Lego wins, always! I am doubling up my fist already, where are those little monsters?

20. To be honest, sometimes each time my kids open their mouth, I want to punch them in the throat.

Of course, I feel that way only when I completely lose it..which is probably multiple times a day…

 

P.S: Consider this post as my therapy dealing with Motherhood exhaustion on a really bad day. Writing this helped a lot. If you are exhausted, express your frustrations on a blank screen. Write away. Mamma, I promise, it works wonders…