Self-love. Practicing Self-love techniques.

What is it? It means loving oneself. If you prefer a clear and concise meaning of the word self-love, here is the official one.

Self-love definition

According to Merriam Webster, Self-love is defined as a regard for one’s own happiness and advantage. Mind you though, this word is chiefly considered as a desirable trait, not narcissistic.

Meaning, you should know where to draw the line when it comes to loving yourself normally as opposed to acting like you are the ONLY desirable person on the face of the earth!

5 Self-Love Techniques that do NOT Work!

As someone who advocates self-care for moms so much, I think it is imperative for me to delve a little deeper into the intricacies of self-love techniques which in effect is the essential foundation of self-care. Practicing self-care is important for us on a daily basis. For some, it comes naturally and for others, it is intentional. Why intentional for a few? Simply because they are not used to caring for themselves. It can take a great deal of effort to love oneself enough to start caring. But loving yourself has its boundaries, rules if you will. It shouldn’t be at the expense of others.

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And THIS makes me write today’s post which is all about self-love techniques that do NOT work or that are simply not appropriate. Let’s set those boundaries, shall we? 😉

1. Pretending Self-love

Humankind is generally great pretenders. They pretend their way through pretty much anything once past childhood. Gone are the days of childlike innocence and pure love as we step into adulthood. We close our eyes and pretend it is nighttime. We pretend life is good even when things fall apart. We smile through tears and laugh out loud to hide the awful noise of misery we feel within. We pretend to love ourselves and others when we DON’T feel it.

Don’t.

Why?

Because you are still in the same ditch if you pretend to love. There is no hour of mercy, no recovery. Your healing does not start until you accept and start to love, genuinely- both you and others. Simple.

Note the word, Acceptance.

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2. Total Disconnect

Detaching yourself from within and from the world is not the path to self-love. Your feet need to be firmly planted on earth and your heart? In total harmony with your soul.

Okay Vinma, you are going a bit crazy here. What does all this mean?

Walking alone, we stumble. And fall. Darkness gives way to self-doubt and lack of self-worth. There is no free-flowing love that is created in the universe that we can submerge ourselves in. To get rid of the negative thoughts. We need our loved ones-family, friends to bounce the positive vibes back to us. That’s how we can begin to love ourselves. Total disconnect is a self-love technique that is NOT to be practiced. It doesn’t work. Instead, connect yourself with whatever and whoever matters to you.

3. Compromising the NOW

This is a big one. We don’t want to rock the boat. We would rather tread lightly on our life with the sole purpose of not disturbing others by our presence. We don’t dare to breathe or make our opinions heard. We think by being ‘likeable’ to all, we are practicing self-love. Wrong. There is nothing more terrible than feeling the need to compromise yourself so you and others can love you.

We settle on a job we hate because it supposedly pays well for a comfortable life.

We stay in a relationship because it is simply convenient.

We just exist…

Sounds familiar? We’ve all been there. Compromising yourself to make you more ‘convenient’ for self-love is a recipe for disaster. It hampers your mental wellness and diminishes your self-worth.

4. Being a follower

This is because you don’t know who you are or what you want. Others tell you to do a certain thing, you do it coz you think they will help you reach your self-realization. They lay out blueprints, flow charts and manuals. You are happy to follow them all! If you take a single moment and question their intent, you would know what a sham it is. Do they know you? I mean, the true you? Do they know what you want? What does your heart want?

Who knows you better than ANYONE? Obviously you!

Then why not you become the Pioneer? The Trendsetter to carve the path to self-love? The first one ever to discover your full potential?

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5. Postponing your Appointment with yourself

Yes okay, you love yourself and all. I get that. But is there ever a good enough reason to spend time with you- to get to know you better and see what you truly want from you? If you think about it, THIS is actually the FIRST step you should take towards self-love and self-care. But the one that is most often neglected. You just keep postponing your appointment with yourself.

Ladies and gents ( gents, if you are reading this, I don’t want you to feel left out)!

How often do you tune in with your inner core, to discover yourself? To learn what an interesting person you are.

It is almost like dating you see. This business of self-love.

You gotta know the ‘other person” well enough to like them, date them and eventually love them so you can live together. If you can spend that amount of time required to find a partner, it is ONLY fair to spend at least half of that time to get to know you? If not more? Postponing can buy you more time I agree.

But why do you need more time to reacquaint with yourself? You might end up being your own best friend and partner in crime.

Why on earth would you postpone your appointment?

I hope these 5 negative self-love techniques will serve as a guiding light for you to the path of self-love.

How to practice self-love and acceptance is not rocket science. No one has died in their quest to live up to their full potential trying to love and care for themselves. Well, the key to remember here is- as long as it is not at the expense of others.

Cheers to you in your quest for discovering self-love!

P.S: Read more of self-care and mental wellness posts on the blog if you like this one!