Dear Mother

 

I am compelled to write to you today as I do this time, every year.

After all, you are a big reason Momless Mom came into existence.

This morning lying in bed I thought about you. Wondering where you are and what you might be doing. Do you know tomorrow is Mothers day? People around the world are celebrating.

I celebrate too. Your memories and your existence still in my life.

The little ways you come into my mind daily and how it stops me on my track even today.

 

An Open Letter to My Mother on Mothers Day

 

 

You are that presence that I simply can’t get rid of. As they say, whatever you are, you owe it your Mother. And it is true. Even if I like it or not. On looking back I realize, half of my life I spent trying to run away from you. The grief that you caused our family with your selfishness was truly unforgivable to my little mind back then. I didn’t understand why you had to leave your husband and kids. I didn’t consider any reason truly valid and justifiable for you to commit such a horrible act.

Do you remember? my brother and I were so little. We needed you. We had our Dad, but it was YOU we needed. Wanted. But you were already gone. You left us to fend for ourselves.

Yes. I couldn’t forgive you for a long time. I watched my Dad breaking apart in your absence. I also saw him rise above eventually. In fact, I waited for him patiently to get his act together so we could move on. And he didn’t disappoint. We did move on.

 

 

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But did my heart found forgiveness for you? Back then, definitely not. The bruise was too deep. And the hurt, Immeasurable. So no, I didn’t forgive you.

It took me years. I had to grow out of the self-loathing and abandonment you left behind. The desolation and the deprivation took its time eating me from inside for ages. I battled with dark days constantly. Thought my life would end this way, without finding the shore of compassion for me, compassion for you. But it was not to be.  Thankfully, it was time for benevolence.

As history speaks, I became a Mom.

 

 

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I birthed treasures from my flesh. My children. They helped me tremendously. They touched my barren heart in ways ONLY they could. They showed me the forgiveness my heart was hiding all along. For you.

Ironic, isn’t it? It takes one to be one. My kids saw the inner child in me when I couldn’t see her myself.

The child in me who was hurt. Left abandoned. Unloved. She was broken, alone.  She needed someone to tell her that this is not to be. It is not supposed to be this way. Love comes in unexpected ways.

And in this story, love was the embodiment that took the form of my own children.  And through them, the inner child in me was healed. She became a child again and reveled in love and healing that she so deserved. And I became a Mom with forgiveness I thought I lost.

 

 

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So today, I treasure Mothers days. The day I get to celebrate you for making me who I am today. You helped me to become the best version that I live up to for my children every day. I find my little hearts growing up spreading happiness in my life and others’ as well. I know they are going to be alright because I am right there with them every step of the way.

I hope I see you around someday watching them along with me from sidelines. I hope you will be so proud knowing that I was/still am your darling daughter…no matter how many years have passed by between us.

 

Happy Mothers Day Mother…xoxo