Krista is fixated on her Daddy these days.
She would rather have him feed and change her than her Mommy. Play time with Daddy is even more fun for her than with playing peek-a-boo and silly funny faces with Mommy. Krista fights tooth and nail when Mommy gives a break to Daddy and pick her up from him who by then might have spend anywhere from fifteen to twenty minutes carrying her around. She just wouldn’t look at me and start crying hysterically for separating her from her beloved Daddy and preventing her from snuggling up with him…
Do you see the unfairness of the situation as much as I see it here?
I only saw the pattern emerging after I started work. Before that, Krista was content with me. She wanted me and no one else. I was the center of her world. And then, last week, in a flair of activities and our haste in settling to a new routine, I overlooked Krista’s centre point of the world shifting. Yesterday, I was startled when my baby was struggling to get out of my hands and jump to her Dad. She almost acted like she has her dear life secured at her Daddy’s arms!
Source: Fotosearch
I am familiar with this kind of situation that some of the little girls develop towards their Dads at some point. I have heard stories from some of my girl friends and few of my cousins on how they became horrified in learning that their little girls temporarily shifted their focus of attention to their Dads and how these girls made it clear of the unimportance of their Mommies in not so nice ways. I nick named it ‘Daddy Fixation’ and was positive that it is never going to happen to me since I am a super mom and all. Yet, here I am!
What I cannot stand at all is the way my husband smirks at me when Krista desperately tries to get to Daddy’s arms from mine. It just drives me up the wall. Hubs suddenly feel that he is really important and possess the magical powers to calm our daughter down, for a change. I am pretty sure what gives him more pleasure is the fact that Mommy with her super powers and answers to all sorts of difficult situations involving kids is finally at a loss for a solution and has her tongue tied, big time!
Yes, this is big deal unfair.
I am having tough time adjusting to this sad situation. I thought Krista trusted me and will never abandon me like this. Fellow mommy friends of mine feels my pain and being gone through this themselves in their previous lives, advices me that this is just a phase and will pass soon. I am counting on that.
I cannot understand one thing though. During the nights, when Krista starts bawling over in between her sleep for someone to come and pick her up, she is expecting me to go to her than her Daddy.
Daddy on the other hand sleeping peacefully at the other end of the bed is dead to the world, kids and me. He knows that Mommy’s perseverance and rescue super powers will come handy for his good night sleep without interruptions. It is almost as if my baby girl has entered into a secret pact with Daddy to go easy on him at nights in exchange for Daddy catering to her needs during the day! It’s nasty, if that is the case, right?
And the poor Mommy gets up from her warm bed, stumble towards her baby’s room in the dark to hush her down and invite the quietness of the night again for everyone’s benefit.
I wonder why Krista’s Daddy fixation is not activated on her nocturnal tantrums. And I wonder why Hubs get to sleep fitfully even though he is our daughter’s current favorite and not me. I wonder why I become expendable to her in our mornings again and left to be watched when my daughter chooses her Daddy instead of me for changing her nappies… (I can do a much better job of changing diapers for my kids than Hubs, but that is beside the point)
Any idea how long this fixation thingy would last?
I am also all ears for any coping mechanisms that you guys adopted if you had an ‘experience’ of this magnitude
I am impatient and I want this nonsense to be over! (Okay, almost stomped my foot here. )
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I can only imagine how difficult this must be & I dread the day it happens in my house. Just know she is innocent, and loves you to pieces. Hugs.
oh, thanks Kristy. I know in my heart, that she does love me, but we all are big on expressing how we feel, right? That is why I am so impatient to have this nonsense to be over 🙂 Thanks for stopping by 🙂
After raising 3 kids, here is how I see it: Krista is upset that you are gone during the day. She feels like she needs to “punish” you because she doesn’t have the vocabulary to tell you she is hurt. Trust me, she will feel “hurt” by you MANY times over the course of her life, whether it’s actually true or not. And if Daddy spends more time with her during the day now, she is enjoying that as well because it’s probably new.
She “punishes” you during the day because it feels safe to her and you can actually see her choosing Daddy over you. Over time, it will pass. Keep offering her affection and doing the normal things. This is her way of dealing with the situation. In the meantime, use the time to do something for yourself – read a book, take a bath, enjoy some down time.
The fact that she wants YOU at night tells me that when all is said and done, you are her rock and her comfort. She is tired and totally forgotten about punishing you. It will pass! Just reassure her of your love and affection and don’t let your feelings of hurt get to you.
Penny Roach recently posted…It’s Not Rocket Science
Thank you for this Penny. Sometimes, it is hard to look at the bright side. But I know in this case also, there is one. Appreciate your gentle nudge and steering me to the right direction. Always a pleasure to hear from you 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
My daughter is doing the same thing to me, its so weird. Today as I was leaving for work, she was clawing her mom to try to come to me. She was very upset, and it was strange because she usually wants her mommy and her mommy is th one who usually takes care of her.
Thanks for taking time to comment Jonathan! All I want to tell you is that “Seize the moment and enjoy your daughter’s affection which is currently streamlined into your direction alone”. Poor Mommies feel all left out at the moment but hopefully it will pass and our daughters will include us also back to their circle of affection 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
I am actually experiencing the so called ‘Daddy fixation’ on exactly similar grounds as explained right from the heart. Good to know what exactly Teena would be experiencing (in similar) as an outcome of this Daddy fixation phenomenon.
Yeah. so you know its your time now with your daughter. Enjoy while it lasts!!! 🙂 Thanks for stopping by.
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
Vinma, I can totally relate to how you are feeling, because this happened to me with my first baby after I had to return to work. I don’t remember when it passed, but I know that it did and she went back to normal after a short time. This is so hard to deal with though. Big hugs to you!
Thank you Jennifer. I feel for you 🙁 But glad to know that it passed in your case. I can’t wait for the day 🙂 Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
Oh, trust me, this will pass. When my girls were younger, it was all DADDY. Now, that they are teen and tween, I have to beg them to do this or that with daddy. It’s all MOMMY now! Though, that can get to be very tiring. So, just sit back and wait for the tide to turn.
Sharon recently posted…How To Make This Edible Chocolate Flowerpot Cake!
I know, right? We want them to come to us all the time. But when they do, it get all tiring after a while. 🙂 We sure don’t know what we want 🙂 Thanks for letting me know that the tide will turn around. I hope to see the day 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
Kids go in phases, she’ll be back all over you in no time. Just try to grin and bear it and make sure not to rub it in when she switches back to you!
Debra recently posted…Tired of the Mommy Wars? Take The Pledge To Empower All Moms
Thanks Debra! That is my plan all along 🙂 Rub it in really well when the time comes 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
It gets better! I don’t have a little girl, but my younger son went through Daddy-phase. My guess is the reason she wants you at night is that is when she’s feeling most vulnerable and knows her Mommy will be there for her. Doesn’t make the lack of sleep coupled with daytime rejection any easier, I’m sure, but it shows she loves and trusts you 🙂 This phase won’t last too long!
I think so too.. she knows that I will be always there for her.. in thick and thin… 🙂 Its just hard at the moment, but I am sure it will pass. Fingers crossed 🙂 Thanks for stopping by Maya 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
My kids are both teenagers now. I’m trying to think back that long ago. I don’t remember my kids going through that stage. I would of loved a break for awhile. I do remember when my daughter had colic and I was with her all day and stressed, my husband would get home and I would say “Take her!” He was the only one who could calm her. I was wondering why i couldn’t do that. One thing I know is that kids are always changing. I’m sure it will be you again that she prefers. Hang in there.
Thanks for your comment Tanya! You are right, only her Dad can calm her down apart from me 🙂 even at this trying time and always.. 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
{Melinda} It is so hard when they go through these phases. I will tell you, as a mom of teens, it’s SUPER hard when they seem to not want either or you at times!! But they come back around … they really do need us more than they want to admit.
Visiting from SITS!
Mothering From Scratch recently posted…Square Kids. Round Expectations
Melinda! Yeah, our kids, they always need us..its just that the need evolves through out the stages.. but they need us alright- big or small 🙂 Thanks for stopping by 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation
My husband wishes our little girl would reach that stage. 🙂 In honesty, I partly long for our daughter to do it too because I already have our two boys attached to my hips as it is. 🙂 Of course, I love her attention and devotion too. I was just hoping he’d have a kid attached to him so he can know how draining it can become after a period of time.
I’m like the rest of the ladies though and feel it will pass. It does sound like she is trying to “punish” you for leaving her. You sound like a remarkable Mom though. 🙂
Crystal Green recently posted…Wii U Fun Lego City Undercover Review
Crystal! Thanks so much for stopping by 🙂
sometimes, a break from kids is just fine. but I think the problem is I get so used to her being around me so much and when I do not see her any more, it feels strange and odd 🙁
it will pass for sure..just a stage you know 🙂
Momless Mom recently posted…Her Daddy Fixation