The Shades of Motherhood

My year long maternity leave is coming to an end tomorrow! This put a stop to my days as a SAHM and the beginning of my life as a Working Mom, second time around. I am still surprised at the pace with which the months flew by me this past year and I wish I could slow the time down a bit, and freeze the moment a bit longer, to spend with my kids. But who am I kidding? 

My Treasures!
My Treasures!

So, tomorrow, I will welcome the reality- this includes, getting out of my PJ’s, pack up my kids first thing in the morning for their respective locations to spend the day without Mommy, prepare my lunch, eat breakfast lingering at the foyer and rush out like a wind to my car to dash off to the office where I will spend the next eight hours! Wow, sounds horrible! Does it not?

                             I remember, last time when I was about to return to work I confronted the same roller coaster emotions in my mind. I was panicky and jumpy. I hugged my son with tears streaming all over my face before leaving for work, the very first day. My Mother- in- law was baby sitting Kevin and she was more than happy to do it. For her, the grand children meant ‘happiness’, period. There was nothing else that could bring her so much joy. I knew my baby will be safe in her hands. Yes, it was not all that bad. This time, Kevin will be spending majority of his time in playschool and it will be Krista, who is going to be full time spending time with her Ammachi  (means ‘Grandma’ in our mother tongue). I am blessed to have such great Grand Parents in my children’s life! And my Mother-in- law is a great lady, a good mother and a positive and wonderful shade of Motherhood. After witnessing darker shades in the persona of my own Mother, all I can see in my Mom-in-law is the glow of love which surpasses all selfishness and loveless ness. I am not praising my Mom-in-law just because she takes care of my children in my absence. Over the years, I have seen her interactions with life and I have learnt my lessons from her as well. But I will leave that subject to another day- to explore and ponder and to adore and cherish.

                    Coming back to our topic at hand, you understand no one can replace a Mom, right? And I have gone through the experience of not having a Mom and the hardships it brought me. For me, when I am away from my children, I feel like, I am walking in the foot steps of my own Mom, the one who left me- that I am also abandoning my children in some way when they need me the most. But I know in my heart that it is not true and the circumstance that I am in is drastically different from what my Mom was in when it came to abandonment. My Mom had a choice of staying with me and my brother and she did not take it. She put her happiness first before she considered her kids’ wellbeing and security. But I am doing this is to ensure a good future for my family and the financial stability that my job would bring. These days I am constantly finding theories and reasonings to back my endeavor of going back to work. But that is just as well.

            Sometimes, we end up doing things that we don’t want to just because it is good for us and that we know it for a fact. Go Figure! And I will stop there.

                                      On another note, I am kind of excited as well to go back out to the real world where I get to see adults (finally) and interact with them using ‘normal’ talking (any idea what I mean here?) which would be a great change after a year of ‘mommy talking’.

      Also, what is your experience with different shades of Motherhood, or Womanhood for that matter? Have you come across remarkable women from various walks of life that occasionally made you stop and think about them…? Making you marvel…hmm…she is an amazing woman or wow…she is very generous or look at her, how selfless she is? I would love to know who you met. Or who you praised for their unconditional love and compassion? Its women like them we have to celebrate on days like ‘International Women’s Day and each and everyday of our life…

 

Shout out for those women here so that the world might know them…

 

 

21 Comments

  1. I am so sorry that you are having to go back to work outside of the home. I know how that feels it saddened me deeply. It’s what pushed me to the decision to do what I am doing now. Best wishes and hope you have a wonderful first day back. Thanks for sharing this blog.

    1. I am sure the first few days will be tough. And I can only hope that it gets better. Thanks for stopping by ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Good luck, Vinma! I am sure it’s very bittersweet, but you will do fantastic! It’s such a wonderful feeling knowing your children have a grandmother who oozes love and a positive attitude. She was put in your life for a reason! ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thanks Lana! I make sure to count my blessings every day so that I don’t wallow in for the things that I do not have ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for stopping by ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Your children are indeed fortunate to have a mother and grandmother who love them so very much. You are doing something not only for them, but for yourself and there is nothing wrong with that. Your children will grow up seeing you as a role model and that will make you a happier mom.

    We will be thinking about you this week. Extending {hugs} to you and your family as you start this new chapter!

    Penny at Green Moms and Kids

    1. Aww…thanks Penny! I will try not to miss too much on the activities of your group. Try not to miss me too much ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. Good luck tomorrow! I know this will be a difficult transition for all of you but you WILL make it work! You’re a mom and that’s what moms do!! Will be thinking of you and praying for all of you!
    Vicky

  5. It is always a trying time when we come off maternity leave and have to return back to work. I have done it twice and it didn’t seem any easier. It takes a little time to get back in the swing of things. Of course, it is definitely nice to talk to grownups during the day. Just cruising back thru from http://makeitorfixit.com to see what’s going on.

    1. Exactly! Its nice to be back in the adult world- its very refreshing after one year living secluded. But when this change comes at the cost of being away from my children, it kind of hurts too. But I am sure it is just a phase and it will pass. Thanks for stopping by Sharon ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Best wishes when you return back to work. I know how apprehensive you must feel, but I know the bittersweet feeling. The way you feel about your mother in law is how I feel about my mom. She is so loving, caring, and I learn sooo much from her! Stopping in from SITS!

    1. Thanks Britton. I appreciate your kind words. I try to count my blessings when I am away from my kids and that gives me the courage to face my work life ahead ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. I completely understand how you feel, having been there myself 4 times now! A mother’s love cannot be replaced and you will still have many opportunities to show them that love. Good luck on your return to work!

  8. Good luck with your return to work! I am sure that once everything settles down you will love having the interaction with other adults ๐Ÿ™‚

  9. I recently came across your blog as I was looking for other moms without moms. I became a new mom myself 7 months ago and have a lot of stuff coming up! I also ended my maternity leave 2.5 months ago and it has been hard. But I feel the same way, it is the financially right thing for our family right now. It hasn’t gotten any easier yet, but I hope it does soon. Thanks for sharing.

    1. oh Kristy! I feel for you.. I can imagine how hard that must have been- both returning to work leaving your child behind and growing up without a mother figure. I am so glad you visited me and commenting here. We are already following each other on twitter, we will stay connected. looking forward to read your posts ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Looks like you’re making such wonderful decisions for your family! It’s hard and I think it’s hard any way you slice it..for most of us anyway. I’ve experienced being a stay-at-home-mom and financially, it’s nearly impossible for us. And I did crave more. I’ve experiencing working part-time out of the home and that was tough at times, but also quite nice. Now I work part-time at home and sometimes I feel like it’s a constant juggling act, but I’m sure we all feel that way. Good luck tomorrow!

    1. Working part-time is a ‘work-in-progress’ thinking for me. I think I am closer than ever in regards to making a decision on that front. Back to work is okay, I guess ๐Ÿ™‚ Then again, I hope adjusting to a new routine takes time anyway ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for stopping by Tamara ๐Ÿ™‚

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