” I am a big kid now Mommy”- Kevin declared as I was getting him ready for his daycare- Day 2! “I know honey”. I smiled and abandoned myself with planting kisses on his small face. His beatific smile swelled my heart with love as always. Bewilderment was what I was feeling at the moment wondering how short a time it would really take him to set his feet on the ground and walk out of my house one day to start his adulthood. No, I don’t want to think about it now. Yes, I do see the changes in him every day- of his independence, of his strong opinions on “things”, of his likes and dislikes, of his ‘occasionally’ grown up comments…hints are so many for me to ignore. And a tiny voice inside me whimpered in protest. No, I don’t want him to grow up. I always want him beside me as a baby. Crazy, Isn’t it? These were all my psychological outbursts as Kevin started his daycare this week. He bought home the art work and drawings he had done at his playschool and I reveled in pride at the sight of my son’s creativity. I remember my eyes blurring with tears of joy when I looked down at him.His huge expectant eyes looking back at me questionably. “Isn’t it good?” He asked. “Oh, Yes it is”. I beamed back. We treated ourselves to Ice cream to celebrate. Kevin had a good day out for the first time without Mommy and Daddy. And I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad about it. Krista was very seriously observing this exchange between her big brother and Mommy, all the while trying to jump out of her “walker” and join us for the party. I rushed to her and picked her up. She was like a feather in my arms and my bewildered soul immediately took consolation in her little warm body. I realized that I still have time left to spend with my kids. I still have years to enjoy them and teach them to grow up into beautiful people that they would be and discover the world with open arms and minds. It’s never too late for anything. I told myself while Kevin continued to party with his little sister and their Mommy took her turn to watch the twin miracle she bought into this world!
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It’s so beautiful how much you savour each moment of motherhood. Poignant, I would say. And dont worry about them growing up. Motherhood never ceases to be. Reading your blog, I sure can feel it already that it is an inexhaustible reservoir of happiness.
And I am also reminded about Kahlil Gibran’s very famous words
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
🙂